Depresso A.K.A. Kenny Splendane, is the model of

unhappiness. As a child he could remember everything and

proved it by calculating the exact time the Fuller Brush salesman

would show up daily. His father, reading his treatise, showed up

at the exact time and orphaned him.

His thesis, as an eight year old, "The exact location of all

electrons at any given time" was a staggering success in that

it all but eliminated "guess work" in quantum physics. His

doctorate was so tedious that most dismissed it as preposterous.

"He has managed to make the splendid mundane" was the

consensus. Bitter, Kenny turned to gambling claiming he would

bankrupt the world's casinos.

Winning every Blackjack hand ever dealt to him, he was

banned from all casinos. Following a television interview with

Dan Rather Depresso was exposed as a mathematician who had

cracked the code. An irate Splendane aclosted rather shouting,

"What's the frequency Kenny?" Brilliant, unbeatable, Depresso

has been recognized universally as the biggest threat to any

wager, anywhere.

Sentenced to a life of ordinary labor, Depresso works the carnival

circuit, resigned to mediocraty. His greatest feat as a clown is that

those who see him delight to see a human being more miserable than

themselves.